Proposal by Proxy

A Winning Strategy for Winning Souls

Soul Winning Patterns

My approach to winning souls is highly influenced by the approach that won me to the Lord. And those I win to the Lord will be influenced by how they were won. This is how patterns are established, for good or for bad.

^{John 15:9}As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. ¹²This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.

Patterning is built into the very structure of the kingdom of heaven. We are followers of Christ as we love others as we have been loved.

When I win a soul, the focal point of my narrative becomes the focus of their Christian walk. If sin is the dominant theme in my message, if the avoidance of hell is the thing that won the day, the focal point of their walk will be sin and death.

But it is better to win them to something than to save them from something. Where avoidance is the pattern, there is no goal, and there is no prize of the high calling to press toward.

Shame-based Christianity

The stereotypical approach to soul winning is based on shame. If you have received any instruction on soul winning, it was most likely based on shame: “Jesus died for your sins”; “we are sinners saved by grace.”

Whether or not you were shamed into the kingdom of heaven, if you approach soul winning from the perspective of shame, my guess is that it is not something you enjoy doing, and probably not something you have had much success with.

How a person is won into the kingdom is how they can expect to be treated in the kingdom.

Changing the Pattern

I was not shamed into the kingdom of God; I was courted. Christianity was modelled as a marriage covenant. If I was willing to enter this covenant with Jesus, I could trade all I had for all we had. If you are my friend, I can ask to borrow $5, but if we are married, I say, “Give me the checkbook.”

In marriage we are partners, both having a stake in the success of the partnership. I take my husband’s name proudly, for my husband is my maker (Isaiah 54:5). Bearing his name gives me a status beyond anything I could have attained on my own. I married into a very wealthy family.

A Winning Approach

^{Genesis 24:2}And Abraham said to his servant, the oldest of his household, who had charge of all that he had, “Put your hand under my thigh, ³that I may make you swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and God of the earth, that you will not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell, ⁴but will go to my country and to my kindred, and take a wife for my son Isaac.”

The Church is the Bride of Christ. The Great Commission is us, being sent into the world to take another wife for God’s only begotten Son. We are given the honor to extend a proposal for marriage by proxy.

Whether you are a biological male or female, in the kingdom of heaven we are all the Bride of Christ. In the kingdom of heaven, we are all considered females, complete with the ability to reproduce, being able to bear his children.

In the kingdom of heaven, the curse on the woman, in pain you shall bring forth children, has been lifted. In bearing his children there is no pain, only joy.

Rules of Engagement

^{Genesis 24:5}The servant said to him, “Perhaps the woman may not be willing to follow me to this land. Must I then take your son back to the land from which you came?” ⁶Abraham said to him, “See to it that you do not take my son back there.

The servant was clearly taking this assignment seriously, yet the assignment seemed unreasonable to him. Perhaps the woman may not be willing he considered the most likely outcome. Why would a woman worthy of marrying his master’s son agree to marrying someone sight unseen? “If she says no” was more like “When she says no.”

We can learn a lot by examining how the servant was able to succeed against all odds. The challenges he faced are the same challenges we face.

Basic Skills You Will Need

Get good at opening conversations with strangers. You can practice in the elevator, in the waiting room, or in line at the grocery store. Learn to go where the conversation leads. There is no pressure on you to perform.

Find out what works and what doesn’t. When things work, put them in your toolbox. When they blow up, chalk them up to lessons learned.

Having conversations without having an agenda will improve your listening skills. By learning to listen to others, you learn to listen to God. He will speak to you through them just like he will speak to them through you. Learn to listen to what they are saying.

The secret to being comfortable talking to strangers is to focus on them, not on yourself. This works in one-on-one conversations as well as public-speaking situations.

Begin with Prayer

^{Genesis 24:12}And he said O Lord God of my master Abraham, I pray thee, send me good speed this day, and shew kindness unto my master Abraham. ¹³Behold, I stand here by the well of water; and the daughters of the men of the city come out to draw water: ¹⁴And let it come to pass, that the damsel to whom I shall say, Let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that I may drink; and she shall say, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: let the same be she that thou hast appointed for thy servant Isaac; and thereby shall I know that thou hast shewed kindness unto my master.

This is not unlike the fleece that was staged by Gideon, except that you don’t need to do it three times to make sure you get it right. Tell God your plan. If the details are not specific, he cannot answer with specifics, and you will not be able to proceed with confidence.

The details include how you will engage the conversation and their anticipated response.

Once you decide on your opening line, it is time to pray. “Lord, this is what I intend to say, and if they respond by saying (fill in the blank), I will take that as a green light.

Open the Conversation

At this point you open the conversation as promised, and then you wait on God to see what he does. The ball is in his court.

Up to this point, you have not offended anyone. If you get the response you were looking for, you can proceed to the next step with confidence. If not, you proceed politely with conversation that goes where it takes you. Instead of making an enemy, you have just made a friend.

If you get the green light, you can proceed.

Focus on Them

^{Genesis 24:22}And it came to pass, as the camels had done drinking, that the man took a golden earring of half a shekel weight, and two bracelets for her hands of ten shekels weight of gold; ²³And said, Whose daughter art thou? tell me, I pray thee: is there room in thy father's house for us to lodge in?

I must admit, I am not sure how appropriate it would be to propose at this point, down on one knee, offering them an engagement ring. It could be an interesting thing to try.

This is a good time to get to know them a little better, their background, maybe even their family.

Focus on the Master’s Family

^{Genesis 24:35}And the Lord hath blessed my master greatly; and he is become great: and he hath given him flocks, and herds, and silver, and gold, and menservants, and maidservants, and camels, and asses.

The servant focused on the resources of the master, resources she would inherit.

The winning strategy is to treat them like the royalty they would become if they were to accept your proposal. You are offering them an opportunity to be the Queen.

This is like being the one who gets to tell them they have won the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, but this is much better.

There is no greater thrill than to bring a new child into the kingdom of God. And, as the bride of Christ, you get to be the mom. The good news for you is that the curse on the woman concerning giving birth is lifted under the New Covenant. The curse on the man is also lifted, but that is a story for another day.